What does it mean when you’re almost never hungry?

Greetings, readers. Yes, I’ve asked myself that question many times. It seems as if, whether I am lounging around the apartment or going from store to store on shopping day, I almost never have an appetite. I eat enough to sustain me…, just barely sometimes. Is it depression? Maybe. 

Some people eat and eat when they’re depressed. I think I might be just the opposite. I’ll snack on junk food while watching TV or maybe get a Panera mac & cheese, but a three-course meal with soup, meat, vegetables and dessert…, not since this past Thanksgiving! 

Money issues, stresses from work, holding my own as I deal with Cerebral Palsy, and other hassles take their toll on me. I know that everybody has daily problems and stresses, but when the dinner bell is rung, most people come running. 

I am trying to get my YouTube channel going and I would give my efforts a C-. Not from any lack of effort, it’s just the recording app, Outplayed and my older computer are fighting. Even after turning the quality to lowest, for better frame rates, the video got glitchy halfway through my Uno game video. Yes, I have Uno on the Steam gaming platform. 😉 

I’m going to my doctors soon and will bring up all my physical and emotional symptoms. Hopefully, they can get a grasp on what’s going on. Until Monday, do take care, love one another, hug your pet, do an act of kindness, and as always, happy reading. 🙂 

A small, early Christmas present :-D

Greetings, readers!!! I’m back!!! With health issues and personal stuff behind me, it’s time that I announced my plans for 2023. I got myself a part-time job, which is going very well, but it keeps me away from writing and blogging. That is going to change. Now, the nay-sayers will point out that I said I was coming back in September or so. Never happened. Real life and depression got in the way. Well…, let’s make a New Year’s resolution!

In 2023, I vow to reserect the dying blog, write a new play or novel, continue with my job and have a much more orderly dwelling; a place that my parents would have been proud to visit. Yes, those are lofty goals, especially the one about keeping my apartment tidy. But, it shall be done!

As I get ready for Christmas, I started to think what gifts I could give to my friends. The gift of words sprang to mind. So, very soon, I shall but backside in the chair and get typing. I already have a number of great blog entry ideas in mind. 😉

Until soonest…, take care, have a wonderful holiday season, love one another and until my next entry, happy reading!

I was on hold for 56 minutes!

Greetings, readers! Don’t do a double take. I’m baaaaack! It has most assuredly been too long. So many things got in my way of writing creatively. There was my depression, stress about going to Maine last year and especially this year, friends in poor health & my health on the decline. Because of Covid, I just felt afraid to go places other than the select few cafes and stores in my area. I was scared of life.

Now on to the blog entry’s title. Yes, I was on hold with a government agency, [name withheld], for 56 minutes! It actually went past closing time, and I expected the automated recording to say, “Sorry, but we are closed for the day. Please call back on Monday morning at 9:00.” I would have thrown my phone and punched the laptop! No….., no, I’m sure cooler heads would have prevailed.

After dealing with a snotty lady…, who just wanted to go home…, I hung up, took a deep breath, said a few choice words, and got down to writing this entry. After all this time, my fingers still know where the keys are. 🙂

Well, I’m going to begin blogging regularly. I’ll be aiming for twice a week to start, and perhaps three times a week if I get readers back. I’m certain I’ve lost a good deal of my following and have nobody to blame for it but myself. Readers, my mind is open again, and the creative juices for new books or essays are flowing!

Until Monday, have a great week, love one another, enjoy the world in which we live, and as always…, happy reading!

A break in the KISS top ten list. I need to vent.

Greetings, readers. The last few days have been extremely stressful for me, especially today. I learned that a good friend of mine [name withheld for privacy] is in dire straights with a family issue. Now my regular readers know me well enough to know that I just want to jump right and save the day. This time, I may not be able to.

I, myself, have been miserably depressed because of the ongoing Covid-19 virus lockdown. The longer, warmer days are helping, I must admit. It has been tough though. I am used to getting out two or three times a day…, not a week! If I get out every third day for groceries at Target, it’s a lot.

With most all of the summer activities such as the Arts Festivals and Fourth of July fireworks, etc., called off for this year, my favorite season of the year [summer], is effectively shut down cold. Plus, my yearly trek to Maine is by no means a certainty. I might get to a hotel and have them say, “Welcome to our place. By the way, you’re now quarantined for two weeks.” Grr!

Yes, this happy-go-lucky guy is holding on folks…, but barely. My motto is ‘one day at a time’, sometimes it’s ‘one second at a time.’ Folks please send my friend good thoughts and check on your friends, love one another, and until next week, happy reading.

I’m coming out of retirement to perform at 3dots!

Greetings, readers. My playlist is set for my short performance at 3dots. That is a relatively new hotspot in town where folks can come to look at art, enjoy the seating area while enjoying their brought lunch, but most cool of all, a place to listen to music by local artists. My friend Smith introduced me to 3dots a little over a month ago, and I love it! I love it so much that I’ve decided to come out of retirement, say the heck with the aching shoulder, and do one more show.

The lunchtime performances are exactly that; between noon and 1 PM. I had to whittle my Spotify music playlist by three songs. The show is titled, The Beatles KISSed. Now you might be asking yourself why I would dare commit that sacrilege by performing KISS songs during the Beatles show? The answer is simple; I love both bands. That’s all it boils down to.

3dots is on the corner of Beaver Avenue and Pugh Street. My performance is not until mid-to-late August, and when I have an actual date, I will let you know here in the blog. All my local readers are invited to join and cheer me on. Bring your lunch or a snack, and enjoy yourselves.

Let’s see what else is going on today. For the third straight day, we have sunny weather! For this region, that’s almost a record. State College did not get its nickname, State Cloudy for nothing. This area of Pennsylvania is third in the country in most cloudy days per year. That’s not exactly good for someone suffering from mild depression. What can you do? There is one thing I can do. Later on, I am going to take my digital camera, walk around the area…, perhaps on campus, and take some pictures. If I do, I’ll go around 4 PM. It won’t be quite as warm, and the sunlight could be just right for certain natures shot. Yes readers, I like taking pictures of nature. 😉

I have a very busy week planned. Tomorrow, I have to go to the dentist. Boo! Rebecca comes in to work on Wednesday, and that’s great. 😊 Then on Friday, I have an appointment with my orthopedist to see if we can’t get this right shoulder pain under control. I think rain is coming tomorrow, because my shoulder is killing me today. ☹

That’s today’s blog entry. Until Wednesday, I wish all of you a great few days, love one another, take care, and as always, happy reading.

Go Spikes Go!!! :-D

Greetings, readers. I’m very sorry that I did not post a blog entry yesterday. I was feeling extremely drained, both emotionally and physically. Here where I live, we have had several days of rain in a row. This is not good for me, because I suffer from depression. Even though it is overcast, chilly, and looks like it could rain at any moment, my mood is much better today. So, I thought I would put up this blog post to let you know what’s been going on in my life the last few days.

My friends, Traci and Smith, accompanied me to a State College Spikes baseball game a few nights ago. We are the single-A, short season team for the St. Louis Cardinals. There are only 33 home games in the whole season. I purchased what is called a Flex Book; 14 tickets, which can be used at any time. The price was reasonable, so I jumped at it. Traci, Smith, and I went to a game the other night against the Williamsport Crosscutters. Yes…, That is one word. I looked it up.

The game we went to was in honor of Josiah Viera. He was a young teenager who suffered from a rare genetic disease called Progeria. The genetic disorder causes children to age rapidly, and die young. For a number of seasons, he was the inspirational leader in the Spikes clubhouse and dugout. On opening night, the team retired his number on the jersey, number 10, which he had worn so proudly.

I am going to have lots of fun this season going to several games. I love it when they have fireworks after the game. If any of you live in a town or city that has been minor-league baseball team, please share it with me on my Facebook page, or in the comments section.

SPECIAL NOTE: Due to an appointment which cannot be changed, I have asked Rebecca to come in and work on Thursday this week, instead of Wednesday. So until then, I bid you a great few days, take care, love one another, and as always, happy reading.

Have you ever had one of those days?

Greetings, readers. I have had many of those days, and today was one of them. It started with my alarm not going off, which threw my entire morning schedule haywire. People knocking at my door, an unusual amount of crank phone calls, and me not feeling energetic. The only event that came off as planned was my appointment. Thank goodness I didn’t miss that.

I have had days where everything runs like clockwork. My alarm goes off exactly on time, I take my meds right on the second, Rebecca comes and we get a lot of work done, etc. As I said in yesterday’s blog entry, I hope to not have any need to call Rebecca off for at least the next several Thursdays. Besides, we still have some book promoting to do. 😊

Even though it was a blustery day today, I was thankful for the sunny weather. It made the highs in the low 40s F bearable. As we all know, sunshine helps people who are depressed. I am still working on battling my depression, but it’s an ongoing process. Some days I’m all smiles and laughs, and then there are days like today.

I’m going to make an appointment with my primary doctor and ask him to give me a head-to-toe check-up. I’m expecting him to say that I’m either slightly under nourished, or I’m suffering from some vitamin deficiency. I swear, all I ever want to do is sleep these days. That’s not normal. Maybe I need more potassium or iron.

Rebecca will edit this short blog entry quite soon and post it up to the page. We’ll be back next Wednesday with brand-new material. Until then, have a great weekend, take care, and as always, happy reading.

I am set to enjoy a productive and restful summer

Greetings, readers. Some of you might be thinking that my title sounds like a contradiction, but that actually is what I am planning to do. I have several changes in my daily routine already in place, including meditation three times a week. It is very cleansing. I’m also going to leave time in my daily schedule to write, write, write. Rebecca and I have been talking about that magic formula for me and we may have found it. Short stories in 15 to 30 minute play or script form which then can be turned into prose. I’ve only been good in long projects twice in my life, so perhaps that 500 page doorstop novel is just not in the cards for me. I don’t think I have the patience for it.

So what is in the cards for this summer? I have many things on tap. Task #1 is a complete overhaul of this apartment. By September 1st I want to turn the living room into the bedroom and visa versa. I also want to completely rid this place of clutter.

Task #2 is to improve my health through meditation and yoga. I’ve never done yoga before and to be honest I’m not exactly sure what all it entails, but if it can improve my health I will at least check it out. My diet is going to get an overhaul as well. With spring time here, fresh fruits and vegetables are in the grocery stores. Two of my favorite summertime treats are blueberries and watermelon. There is a bus that stops right at our local Giant supermarket.

Before I can go to the supermarket, however, a complete clean out of my refrigerator will have to be done. I get Meals on Wheels and eat them most of the time, but occasionally I don’t like what is offered, and on those dark cloudy days that I am depressed, it is ice cream dinner to the rescue. So I will admit that my refrigerator does get cluttered with some of their trays.

My final big project for the summer is to grab a friend, pay him or her a few bucks, and clean up my walk-in closet. I have a gazillion VHS tapes, DVDs, CDs, and cassettes. Every item will have to be carefully gone through to see if it makes the cut. If it doesn’t, out it goes. I need to be able to walk in my walk-in closet.

I must remember that even though I have set a target date of September 1st, I won’t beat myself over the head if I don’t get it done until October 1st. Let’s not forget that I will be away for 10 days in August for my yearly trek to Maine. I’m starting to feel better about myself and my apartment. I just have to tell myself that these changes will be done and the key is to do a little each day.

Tomorrow I’m going to be talking about an issue that took place here at Penn State in February. I was going to blog about it today, but after discussing it with Rebecca I was so upset about what happened that I need a day to cool down, so that I can calmly explain what happened and my feelings about it.

Until tomorrow, take care, have a great day, and happy reading.

Learning to cope with my clinical depression

Greetings, readers. It is a mostly sunny day here in Central Pennsylvania and that is helping my overall mood. I must admit though that over the weekend I was in a funk. I’m big on re-examining my life, wondering what changes I could have made so that things would have turned out better. I’ve got to stop doing this. I told Rebecca this morning I feel like I am not living, I’m simply existing.

Do I laugh when I am with people? Of course. I go out to my appointments, visit Traci, and do all the things I need to do during the day. In other words, I can function. The evening and night-time though are a different story. When it gets dark outside, so does my mood.

I was watching YouTube videos of a most sad topic and as I have done in the past, I kept clicking next video. I was doing research for a possible blog post on the 9/11 attacks and the subsequent conspiracy theories by watching a couple of movies and the footage from CNN from the day of the attack. By the time midnight rolled around, I knew I had to get to sleep, but I didn’t want to. I turned out all the lights and just laid there with my eyes open. I didn’t want to dream, I didn’t want to sleep, I just kept thinking about all those people in those towers whose lives were snuffed out for no good reason at all.

On Monday, I did lots of flight simulation, looking at the clear blue sky at 39,000 feet. After that, I finished off the first reading of Darren’s novel. In a few days I will start my fine-tooth comb reading of it, and then we will turn it over to Rebecca for one final check over. When that is done, Four’s a Crowd will be complete. Thumbs up.

I guess what I am really trying to say in this blog entry is that I need to begin to live, and not just exist. As my regular readers know, I love to go back and reminisce about when life was good. I’ve got news for you folks. Any day you wake up alive is a good day. If you don’t believe me, try waking up dead. I have a couple of ideas I am going to try out to help me, one of which is chakra energy work or yoga, and the other is inspirational books or audio tapes.

My kitty cat is nuzzling me right now, saying it’s time for dinner, so I think I will conclude this entry here, and let you know we will have another one for you tomorrow, most likely a top ten list.

So until then, take care, have a great day, and happy reading.

Still trying to figure out my life

Greetings, readers. I shall try not to bore you with my depression, and actually I’m not even sure it is depression. I am experiencing low energy levels and I am taking more naps than usual. I would consider my diet mediocre at best; more protein might help, as would less junk food. Still not having a job is weighing heavily on my mind. I was hoping to be gainfully employed last August. But that opportunity fell through. As we approach late fall and early winter, it seems all the jobs in town are taken.

It could be the fact that my medications are making me sleepy, or a case of mild depression, but I am now averaging two naps per day. Way too much sleep. Recently I just finished watching over 100 episodes of the new Hawaii Five-O, each episode about 45 minutes long, in a three-week period. Imagine if all those evenings were spent writing creatively. I might have 100 pages. But no, I was entertained, but nothing with my name on it came from it.

As I’ve asked myself before, do I still wish to be a writer? Yes. I do not wish to be a non-writer who wrote three books and a play. If that is all the Lord wanted me to do in the creative writing realm, I wish He would let me know. I’m not sure what else I would be passionate about. I wanted to be an airplane pilot as a child, but health issues put an end to that at age 16. I’m sure one of these days soon, I’ll find a job at one of the local stores. What I should do is get up at 6:00, plant my butt in a chair at 7:00, and write until 9:00. But no, I check Facebook, I check Twitter, I play Train Simulator, and 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil soccer.

Sometimes when I am depressed I can actually imagine myself in a nursing home, sitting in a chair, watching TV or listening to music. When I used to visit my father at the local nursing home, I could tell how depressed he was. He tried to hide it, but he couldn’t. He was in his 70s when he went in. I fear because of my monetary situation and handicaps that I might have to go to assisted living much earlier.

On a brighter note, the Penn State football team won another game and they are well on their way to a New Year’s Day bowl game. Yay, Coach Franklin and team.

Next week we will be working on Wednesday and taking off Thursday for Thanksgiving. I will put up at least one blog entry and possibly two.

Until tomorrow, take care, have a wonderful day, and happy reading.