One week ’til THAT day

Greetings, readers. Yes, it’s one week until that day again. February 14th…, Valentines Day! I loathe this day, because it reminds me of how many years it’s been since I had a valentine to whom I could give chocolate, flowers or a stuffed bear. Post a comment in the comment section and guess how many years it’s been. The winner will get a shoutout in next Monday’s blog entry.  

Quite soon guys will be buying their significant others those tender gifts, showing their love and devotion. I guess it’s good for business. Stores around here had Valentine’s items on the racks one day after the Christmas and New Years paraphernalia went to the 90% off racks.  

Every February 14th, I go into a day’s depression. Thank goodness, this Valentine’s Day falls on a Wednesday. I don’t have to go into the cafe and pretend to be cheerful. If I wish, I can stay in my little den and hide away.  

I don’t know why I am so unhappy on this day. You’d think after X number of years, I’d be used to my solitude. Nope, I’m a hopeless romantic, always searching for ‘my match’. Hope springs eternal.  

Now readers, I’m going to share a secret with you. There is a local woman who I’ve known since the 1990s. I have a crush on her, but she doesn’t even know I exist…, that way. I’ve kept it a secret for years. I have no clue whether Miss [name withheld] knows, or ever knew. One day quite soon, I’m going for broke, and am going to let her know how I feel about her. Then, I’ll either be the luckiest man alive, or crushed beyond comprehension. Time will tell.  

Well, this ‘Monday’ blog entry is going up soon, and todays shall be written later today. Until then, take care, have a good day, love one another, and as always, happy reading. 

Run, don’t walk

Greetings, readers. I recently, on Facebook, changed my relationship status from single to it’s complicated. Yes, I am in a relationship right now, but its dynamics are quite bizarre. I’m going to keep her name out of it for obvious reasons because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Here’s what is going on.

One evening a couple of months ago, a female friend of my ex-fiancé knocked on my door and hit me with some news. She told me that she had a crush on me. Then she prepared me for more. She told me that she was in love with me. While flattered, I still felt like a deer in the headlights. I didn’t know how to react. You know me, readers, I tried to be as gracious as possible and said something like, “Oh, that’s nice. Wow!” Apparently her love had been growing for several months, even while I was engaged to my fiancé.

I talked to Traci, my ex-fiancé, about our mutual friend. I asked her if she knew about the feelings of said friend. She said no. Once I learned that, I felt worse. What to do, what to do? I decided to play it very cautiously and very, very slowly.

After a couple of coffee dates, and one home cooked meal at her place, it quickly became apparent that my new love interest had more feelings for me than I did for her. This is a huge problem. I’m not going to settle just because I want to be in love, but I’m also terrible at hurting people. I already feel like I strung her along a little bit and I am afraid that when I end it, this nice woman’s feelings will be crushed. That’s not going to be pretty. Unfortunately, I believe it has to happen. If only one of the two people in a love situation is actually in love, it’s never going to work. I’ve heard that the Lord tests people, and if this is one of those tests, it is not funny.

I’ve talked to a number of friends about this, and they all agree. Run, don’t walk. A friend whom I had dinner with last night told me that exact phrase. She said the woman came on too strong and that I do not have the same feelings. It just won’t work. I’m going to take this advice, but it will still be hard for me, because again I hate hurting people. I’ve been dumped many times before and I know how painful it is. Tact, planning, and luck will be all needed here. I say luck, because I do not want this love interest to turn around and take her frustrations out on Traci.  I don’t think she will do that, but you never know.

I know dear readers I don’t usually get this personal. I tend to talk about TV, the weather, or sports. But if anybody has any suggestions on a good way to proceed, I’m all ears.

I was not going to mention this, but I’ve decided to. Several years ago, I took a very good friend of mine who I was in love with on my Christmas Eve light ride. Afterwards we stopped at McDonald’s for coffee, and I professed my love to her and she reacted the exact same way I did the other week. Now I know how she felt. Trapped, scared, and not knowing what the hell to say. After learning that I was being rejected, I kind of mentally closed the rest of the evening out. It didn’t ruin the light ride, thank goodness, because we were on our way home after coffee anyway.

I’m taking a personal day tomorrow for an appointment. Rebecca and I will be back with you next Wednesday. This should be the last Thursday off for me in a while. Time will tell. One of us will post a new blog entry tomorrow. Until then, take care, have a wonderful day, and happy reading.

I am being a procrastinator before David’s visit

Greetings, readers. With David’s impending visit less than two days away, I am still struggling to get certain areas of the small apartment ready. I’ve already blocked off this evening and perhaps overnight to tidy up. Now I’ll tell you why I’m kicking myself. I’ve known when David is arriving for several weeks and I just sat here; reading my book and watching TV, YouTube, or Netflix. I always do this.

For future reference, I am going to talk to my therapist for suggestions and tips on how to get ready for guests in the future. Later in the year, David’s daughter Emily and her friends wish to visit, and if I don’t have them stay in a hotel, this place is going to have to be spotless. As most of my regular readers know, I am not a spotless person. I suffer from low energy and stamina. Some folks can start at 9:00 in the morning and clean all day until the work is done. Not I. I have to work in spurts, and Lord help me if I sit down and turn on any entertainment because I won’t get back to my chores for hours.

Now that I know it is crunch time, I’m confident that my adrenaline will kick in and I will be able to do the chores I need to do before David arrives tomorrow night. Rebecca and I will work tomorrow and I’ve already bracketed off the rest of that day to finish cleaning, do laundry, buy snacks, etc. It’s going to be an awesome visit.

On Friday is my musical performance along with a surprise. It is going to be a great afternoon. Saturday, Traci and I are taking David to an Indian restaurant nearby for his pre-birthday dinner. And at 8:00, the Penn State football team will play for the Big Ten Championship. Go Lions! Sunday and Monday will be our quiet days, visiting with Traci, watching movies, or playing video games. Dave will depart on Tuesday, because we both have to work on Wednesday. I’m going to need a weekend to rest from my weekend.

That’s all the news for today. Either Rebecca or I will have another blog entry for you tomorrow. I bid you a great day, take care, and happy reading.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Greetings, readers. An interesting thing happened to me last evening at the weekly church dinner. I don’t go to it very often, but I really enjoy the spaghetti dinner with all the fixings. I met someone there who I can honestly say gave me such an emotional high that I had to come home and analyze what happened. Let me explain.

While trying to find a table to sit at, I happened to come upon a very sweet lady. Her name is Rose. Now, I don’t talk to people confidently the first time I meet them. I’m either nervous or flustered. But with Rose, it felt like all the shields came down and I could talk to her as though I had known her for years. She went to sit at her table and I sat at my table. I conversed with my friend Terry, my good friend from my apartment building, while we ate. I finished before he did and I took my plates up to the dirty dishes bin. I just happened to see this dazzling young lady again. As chance would have it, with my memory issue that I call oatmeal brain, I was fully ready to admit that I had forgotten her name. To my surprise, and I must admit to my delight, she told me that she had forgotten mine. This gave me an opportunity to ask for hers again. After she told me – I was in the process of shaking her hand and was gently holding it – I said, “I know how I am going to remember your name. You are as pretty as a rose.” Unless I totally misread her facial expression, I think she was impressed. Again, I’m not dashing or debonair with strangers of the opposite gender, but every once in a while I can be.

On my walk home, I knew I wasn’t in love, but for the first time I understood the feeling that people have when they do experience love at first sight. I was on an emotional high. I could not stop thinking about this absolutely gorgeous woman. Am I going to the church dinner next week? You better believe it. In my current situation, I think the best thing I can hope for is a very good friend. For one thing, I’m not going to take for granted that she would be interested in me, although there is only one way to find out. For another thing, with my financial situation the way it is, I just don’t see marriage in my future.

Now I know what you are thinking. I just met her and I’m mentioning marriage in my blog the next day. Readers, you have to understand. I have very vivid imaginative daydreams. Whatever this friendship develops into, if anything, is going to be a very slow process. Over the years, I’ve scared women by going too quickly and lost others by not going fast enough. As I told Rebecca earlier today, even if I get a good friend out of this, as a social media companion or a Panera coffee buddy, that’s okay by me. There is always room for one more friend.

Until next week, have a great weekend, take care and happy reading.