Tag Archives: writing plans

I am sick and tired of life

Greetings, readers. I have felt very strange over the last couple of months and until recently I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was bothering me. Well, the picture is becoming a little bit clearer now that the fog has lifted, and I don’t like what I see.

My desire to write is at its highest point in two years. When I say to write, I obviously mean work other than the blog. My problem now is that I have no time or energy from working at the fast food job to do said writing. I am 52 years old and I feel like my life is a waste.

On the positive side of the job,  I am an extremely outgoing person at my cash register, and my regulars love me. I do get a lot of enjoyment and self-esteem from this work. I feel, however, that I must give serious contemplation to either quitting or, at the very least, taking a few months off.

This winter has been brutally cold and walking to and from busses to go to work has already become a hated chore.  I get up at 4:00 in the morning to check Facebook, have some coffee, and listen to music before I have to get ready to go. I blink twice, and it’s 8:10. There goes that morning. I come home from work, dreadfully tired, with feet aching, I put a little food in me, watch an episode or two of something, and usually have lights out by 9:30.

On my three days off from my fast food job, I write with Rebecca for roughly three hours, and I must also do all the chores that need to get done and I had no other time to do, such as appointments, laundry, shopping, etc. When in the hell do I have time to sit down and write? Some might say at 4:00 in the morning. Ah, no, my functioning brain is barely active at that time. In the evening? I’ve actually caught myself falling asleep during my TV shows. Again, the brain is not in creative mode. You can see why I’m depressed.

Do my therapy sessions help? Yes they do, for a short time, but then I begin to look at my life in general and I come to the conclusion that I have wasted most of it. Three quarters gone and only a quarter to go. I have three books to my name, which if you put all three together, don’t equal the pages of Darren’s novel adapted from my play. I would have to say, Dear Readers, that my biggest accomplishment has been this blog, and that is primarily thanks to the help of Rebecca’s typing and editing skills.

Now, don’t worry folks, even though this entry is full of red flags, I am a fighter and a survivor and will do whatever I need to do to get this situation under control. Tomorrow, I’ve cleared the docket to read and edit Four’s a Crowd, either in the morning or, if I have Rebecca come in, after she leaves. I always try to leave each entry on a bright note, and here it is. I ordered speech recognition software for the computer. Once it comes in and I master that, I won’t have to type anymore. That could solve many problems quickly. Cross thy fingers.

Until next time, stay warm, have a great day, have a cup of coffee or hot cocoa for me, and happy reading.

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Don’t cross the boss!

Greetings, readers. Last week I learned a valuable work place lesson. I heard through ‘the grapevine’, that one of my superiors said something uncomplimentary about me. I decided to nicely confront him about it. After our discussion, I was satisfied with the outcome and thought that all was peachy again. Umm, wrong.

Another one of my superiors was also in the meeting room that day and was actually part of the conversation. Now, I feel that the second manager is treating me differently than she did before. She isn’t nasty, she’s … colder. I’ve always had a low self-esteem issue and it could be that she is having other problems at work or perhaps personal problems, and the timing of her indifference is a huge coincidence.

The time that I am spending on reading Four’s a Crowd and editing, as well as my own personal writing projects, has suffered greatly in recent months. I may have to make a decision soon whether or not to stay with the job and earn money (which eases the stress of daily life) or to quit my job and write. I know, I’ve talked about doing more writing before, but things always seem to come up. Work, health issues, a performance, or time to go to Maine, are good examples of what gets me off track. Will I miss the income? Absolutely. But I know of another place which would hire me if I could just pass their on-line entrance exam. It’s practically across the street from where I live.

I’m going to play the wait and see game for about a month. That will be two more pay periods. During this time, I will be keeping eyes and ears open to see whether or not everything calms down. Hopefully it will.

On a minor note, did I put up even one decoration for Christmas? No. I did not. However, I did go to two holiday meals and yes, I stuffed myself stupid. Next year I vow to decorate this apartment to within an inch of its life. Lol.

Finally, a R.I.P. to one of my favorite sportscasters of all time, the legendary Dick Enberg. He passed away on December 21st at the age of 82. For many years he announced pro football games on NBC and, in his later years before retiring, he was one of the play by play announcers for Major League Baseball’s San Diego Padres.

Tomorrow will be a personal day and either Rebecca or I will put up the blog. Who knows, there might even be two, one from each of us. Until then, take care, stay warm if you are in the frigid cold snap, and happy reading.

The 52 year old kid

Greetings, readers. I’ve often told myself and other people that I’m young at heart and I feel like a big kid. I really have not taken life seriously, upon reflection. At age 15, I should have gotten the job that I have now, which is a cashier at a local fast food restaurant. That is the time I should have learned the importance of saving money and having my own. Still my favorite recreation is playing video games or watching them on YouTube. I don’t sit down and write for hours and my hands have not had 35 years of hard labor. What does this say about me?

I’m about to open up a little bit and share. My mom, God rest her soul, loved me and yes, overprotected me. I was basically taught that everything would be okay and that I would be provided for, I think because of my disability. To young parents: This is a mistake. While I had a happy childhood, and young adulthood, I’m still trying to straighten out the curves thrown at me later in life.

At this point of my life, I had envisioned myself writing several books, a couple of plays, and maybe even a pilot for a TV series. Well, only a fraction of those things actually came to pass. I guess I’m alright with that. But at age 52, with a brain that’s been slightly damaged by seizures and dulled by medication I don’t know how much creative writing I have in me for future projects.

When I sit down to play my games, I can lose myself in my own little world and forget all my worries, such as my handicaps, and my monetary situation. Then the phone will ring, or I’ll have to put laundry in the dryer, or go buy that jug of milk, and back to the real world I come. I can do it. Sometimes I just don’t like to.

Is this escapism? Or just a single guy wanting to have a hobby? There’s a question for you. If I were to ask my therapist, she would probably say it is a little bit of both. Am I going to change my ways and become Mr. Ultra Serious Man? Hell, no. I don’t want frown lines on my forehead. The Lord made me the way He wanted me to be, and that is good enough.

I again have a work shift tomorrow, so Rebecca will be putting up the blog from home, either a fresh one from her, or another re-post of a previous blog from me – most likely from my third year of blogging.

Now we have some good news to share with you. I have decided, with Rebecca and Darren’s go ahead, to begin final editing work on our novel, Four’s a Crowd. As my older readers may remember, it is based on my play Kimberly from several years back, which Darren adapted into a novel with my imput. I think Darren was excited when we had our conference call this morning. It was bugging me no end that my work from days gone by and his recent very hard work had stalled in the mud. I see this on CreateSpace for sale by February 2018 … earlier if we get our butts in gear. 🙂

Before we close, prayers go out to the families and survivors effected in the senseless shooting in Las Vegas. There are people like that in the world who do monstrously terrible acts. As I understand it, he committed suicide. What a coward. He didn’t have the courage to serve his jail time and pay for his crimes. Now he will have to deal with a Higher Power and face his final judgement there.

Well, that is the news from today. Until next time, have a great day, take care, and as always, happy reading.

Laundry day and boy do I have a hectic schedule

Greetings, readers. At 7:58 this morning I was in the laundry room getting the first load of clothes ready to start when that room opened at 8:00. Hours are between 8AM and 10PM daily. On days that I wash my clothes, I like to get in there early and get the job done.

Our business meeting with my accountant this week will once again be earlier than usual because I work today at 3PM. I like to have time to relax, visit with Traci and have plenty of time to get to my 2:15 bus. I won’t have tons of time, but I’ll have just enough to grab a snack, a cup or two of coffee and visit with my fiancée.

At eight o’clock this evening I’ll get off work and have two days off. 🙂 It will be a chance to rest my feet and get a few odds and ends done around the apartment. I need to do some vacuuming and some light dusting. The two big jobs I’m putting off are the hall closet and my bedroom. They’re next.

I’m getting some help with the hall closet in a couple of weeks. The bedroom I will tackle myself. I want to get the bedroom done as soon as possible so that I can once again enjoy my bed. The key is to do a little bit each day.

The hectic pace of my new life schedule so far has not taken a toll on me. Besides aching feet, I actually enjoy going out, working, and being a productive member of society. My writing career might be in the back seat right now, but it is definitely staying in the car. One of these days I’m going to write a play or screenplay about living here in Addison Court. Of course all names would be changed for privacy reasons.

Lastly, next week will be the fourteenth anniversary of the passing of my mom. I am going to do a remembrance blog in her honor and link it to Facebook, including the Bear Spring Camps page which is for the place she went and enjoyed herself for so many years.

Until tomorrow, take care, have a great day, and happy reading.

I’m making plans for my Maine vacation and beyond

Greetings, readers. I’ve been pondering life lately. I think my Goddaughter’s wedding has something to do with this. Now, for Ashley’s family, I promise you I am not envious, but I have been thinking recently about all the things that I won’t be able to do in my life.

Since I have no daughter, I won’t be able to walk her down the aisle. I won’t be able to toss a ball with my son or teach him to drive. Granted, I am missing out on college tuition payments and that is a plus. But there are moments when my delightful cat Keekee and wonderful girlfriend Traci don’t seem to be enough; that there is still something missing in my life. I don’t know, maybe I’m selfish.

For a short while there I thought about going back to college. The price tag pretty much ended that dream. I might take some free courses when I get back from Maine. It will be something to do, something to engage my brain and it would give me the feeling that I am bettering myself. Obviously, I can’t step into a time machine and go back. As I wrote once before in another blog entry, Life doesn’t have a reset button. We must go on from here, learn from our mistakes, and do the best we can.

Last night I started thinking a lot about David’s family, about all the nieces and nephews and their children. I hope in some small way I have been able to enrich their lives. I was fortunate enough to have an uncle figure while I was growing up, Cy Greco. I would see him at camp every year growing up and we would talk on the phone every Saturday for years. I miss him dearly.

Here are some of my plans for the upcoming camp to camp year, August 2016 to August 2017. I want to have a new book ready to publish or have it well on the way to being published. A whole year of just doing the blog entries, though enjoyable, was not profitable. Rebecca and I must start churning out books again, for monetary gain and for my feelings of self-worth. Other things I have been thinking about are how I will peak and tweak my morning and evening routines. I’m pleased that I have kept to getting up early and going to bed relatively early, but there is always room for improvement. Also, I will have to get a grasp on my spending. Something is going to have to go. It isn’t going to be Rebecca, so it might Panera completely or, worst case scenario, I might have to give up Bear Spring Camps in a couple of years.

I feel like my life is starting to come together now. I have a girlfriend, I hope to get a job in August, and I have several good ideas for writing projects to begin when I get home. I even toyed with the popular drink 5 Hour Energy. Although it did make me a little more alert, it also made my left arm twitch. I don’t think I’ll be having any more of those.

That’s it for now. Again, if you are in the middle of the heat wave, please stay cool and drink lots of water. Take care, have a good weekend, and happy reading.

A good day with technology

Greetings, readers. Upon arriving to the office, Rebecca and I were faced with a minor laptop issue. My AVG anti-virus was telling us that I wasn’t protected from identify theft. This was a problem. We went to the website for AVG and downloaded an update. I was most happy to find out that the problem was resolved upon restarting the computer. This allowed us to carry on with the second part of the work day.

I had a brand new debit card with the security chip in it I still needed to activate, and then I needed to plug the new expiration date into all my different accounts that used it for payments. I certainly was not going to do that with an identity theft issue, so I resolved that first.

I called the 800 number, followed the directions, and activated the card. Then it was off to six websites to update the card information. This was certainly not hard, it just took awhile. Probably we should have done the blog post first, but doing this chore provided me with the blog idea.

I was elated that technology actually cooperated with us for once. Usually our computer woes are so complex that it takes all day to figure out or we are on the phone to Best Buy’s Geek Squad. I understand that fixes must be done from time to time, but they do not make for a productive work day. I’m glad this was not Technology Grrr 12, ha-ha.

For my weekend plans I am going to tidy up and do laundry. On Monday, I will begin my new writing regime. I’ll get up an hour earlier, so I can be ready to begin work by 6:30. I figure I will write while I am fresh, and then around 9:00 I might reward myself with a simulation game. I have a couple of ideas in mind, so everyone wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed.

Next week, either Wednesday or Friday, I’m going to blog about the United Kingdom’s break from the European Union. Truthfully, that was going to be my blog topic today, but the break up was a bit more involved than I thought, and I will need some time to study it and take notes.

Also, a rather late R.I.P to the wonderful young actor Anton Yelchin from the reboot of the Star Trek films. I’ll do a more in-depth piece on him later.

Until next week, have a great weekend, take care, and happy reading.

Stop the world, I want to get off, #2

Greetings, readers. I should be a happy man. I have a girlfriend who loves me, a roof over my head, adequate food, and good friends and family. So why do I feel so depressed? As I’ve said before, my therapist is going to have a lot to do tomorrow.

Without going into all the details, most of which are private, the weekend was not what I was expecting it to be. Situations arose which needed my attention and there was no getting around it. By the time Saturday night came along, I was so worn out that all I wanted to do on Sunday was sleep. And that is exactly what I did. Monday and yesterday, I desperately wanted to continue writing, but just couldn’t. And, of course, the more I couldn’t, the more depressed I started to feel. I have absolutely nothing on the agenda for early this evening, and I am going to write new pages come hell or high water. Tomorrow is chock-full-of-everything day, so the more I get written tonight the better off I’ll feel.

I began talking with Traci and other friends about the possibility of my medicine dosage being too strong to take in the morning. I’m fine for the first few hours, and then I’m just a zombie. Show me the way to the bed. I’m going to ask my neurologist what would be the best way to split my dosage to be in the morning and in the evening. Obviously there are two answers to that question. Just go ahead and do that, or just stagger the second dose little by little until I get it to the evening. My main concern is throwing my body off schedule by changing my dosage too quickly and having a seizure. That would not be good.

On the weather front, no pun intended, ha ha, this morning when I looked out the window, it was pouring down rain. So I feed Kitty cat, did my usual email/Facebook/ Twitter thing, and went back to sleep. Again, I had several hours to write and just didn’t. Is the end of my writing career near? I would not go so far as to say that. But I got a slap-in-the-face chuckle when I saw that my total royalties for 2015 from my Kindle version of my books was a whopping 70 cents. You don’t need to look at that twice, we’ll type it again for you. 70 cents. That certainly isn’t going to pay the rent, now is it?

Now something that will cheer me up a bit. My favorite sports season, baseball, begins with spring training in about a month. That means that warmer weather is about two months from now. Even though we haven’t had tons of snow, the gloomy cold weather always depresses me.

Finally, and this is a major step for me, if my depression does not get better by the end of this month, I am going to talk to my accountant about seeking a stronger method of dealing with it. I don’t exactly know what that might be, but I have a couple of things in mind. One being a short hospital stay for 2 or 3 days where I can get care and counseling as needed. Or perhaps something as simple as an increase of my anti-depression dose, or a different med all together. Something has got to give.

So please, throw good thoughts my way, and I’ll keep you up to date on what is going on around here.

Until Friday, enjoy your couple of days, take care and happy reading.

Christmas things put away and creative juices flowing

Greetings, readers. For today’s blog entry, I’ve decided to share with you what I did late last night and this morning. I looked at my apartment and literally said out loud enough is enough. My girlfriend, Traci, gave me a storage bin and I used that to put my Christmas decorations in. After labeling the box, I put it in the walk-in closet. With Star Wars music playing in the back ground, I got inspired. I thought to myself, with a little work I could have this place ready for me to begin on my writing projects as early as tomorrow morning.

After putting away all the small Christmas decorations, and putting things back on the credenza where they go, I unplugged my portable speakers and attached them to my record player. Yes, I do still have plenty of vinyl. I’ve always done my best writing with John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra playing in the background. One day I will listen to Star Wars: A New Hope and the next day might be The Empire Strikes Back. I’m very excited about the prospect of creating again. The blog is so much fun, most times I don’t even consider it work, though it is writing.

After I took a short break to rest my back, I tried out the old stereo. Besides the speed being a wee bit fast, it sounds great. With all the holiday goings-on over with, such as light rides, movies, and gatherings, it is now time to sit my butt down in a chair and spend the next several months doing some good creative writing. Even if none of it gets sold, I firmly believe I will be flexing my writing muscles and adding tools to my writing tool belt.

Wednesday will be a day off for personal reasons, but Rebecca and I will be back with our usual two blog entries, one on Thursday and one on Friday.

I’ll be watching the Steelers in the play-offs on Saturday, so go Pittsburgh. I bid everyone a good weekend, take care, and happy reading.

Getting back to my daily routine after being sick

Greetings, readers. I was going to do a top ten list today, but because I was under the weather since the end of last week, I did not have time to prepare one. I always like to think about my top ten lists, to get them just so. From New Year’s Eve until literally this morning, all I wanted to do was sleep. I had to force myself to check my Facebook page and keep up my correspondences.

Although some white puffy clouds are rolling in now, it’s been a bright sunny day. The wonderful 62 degree weather was replaced with temperatures in the mid-thirties, and night-time lows in the single digits. It took awhile, but winter has finally arrived. Yuk.

Now, for something funny. I woke up at 5:15 this morning trying to force myself to get into my morning routine for Wednesdays. My get-up-and-go got up and went, and after feeding Keekee, I quickly went back to bed. When the alarm went off two hours later, she went and sat by her plate, looked at me as if to say, aren’t you forgetting something? I had to explain to the poor darling that she had already had her breakfast. I did give a little extra milk and that made her happy. Yes, Daddy is wrapped around Keekee’s little paw, and she knows it.

Tomorrow I am definitely getting back to my early morning routine and it shall consist of reading over three possible writing ideas and getting to work on one of them. The time for the wheels to be stuck in the mud is over. I know, I know, I’ve said that before, but I feel like a worthless lump and something has to give soon. More topics to discuss with my therapist, I’d say.

Tomorrow Rebecca will be coming in and I might just have that top ten list ready for editing. If not, you will definitely see it Friday.

Take care, enjoy the sunshine if you have it, and even though it is a few days late, R.I.P to actor Wayne Rogers. We will miss you, Trapper John from M*A*S*H.

My day today and plans for the week

Greetings, readers. Right before today’s weekly meeting with my accountant, I realized that I had forgotten my keys at Panera Cafe. I was in luck in two ways. First, Rebecca has a key to my apartment for when I am in Maine, and second, Panera is right across the street. I was able to retrieve the keys in time for my meeting.

It is a good thing I retrieved my keys because there was plenty of mail to go over. After all the bills were paid, and other tasks finished, it was time to come up to the office and get to work. Rebecca and I always begin our work week reviewing last week’s blog statistics. Numbers have been holding steady and the entry about the Air Crash Investigation series continues to be the most popular entry of all.

On a weather front, no pun intended, I could see from my top floor window a horrific thunderstorm yesterday; complete with thunder, lightening, dark clouds and rain that was blown literally sideways. The one thing it did manage to do was knock the humidity way down. Yesterday evening and today have been sunny and much more comfortable.

After a coffee date this afternoon, I have an open evening where I plan to do some writing. I am keeping my new project tightly under wraps, because I am on page one. I’m not going to get overly excited about it just yet, but still it feels good to be creative again. I have made a decision and it is this: If I have another unproductive year [measured from camp time to camp time] I’m going to close down the writing career and cut bait.

As far as the rest of the week goes, I do plan to go to the Thursday night church dinner. It will be a nice follow up to last evening, when I had a delicious bowl of spaghetti at Denny’s. I am trying to improve my diet. It is becoming a top priority. My health is starting to suffer; I’ve dropped weight. Some people eat when they are depressed; when I am depressed I eat all the wrong things.

On Friday it will be a regular work day and also a free evening. By Saturday’s gaming day, I hope to have between five to eight pages on my new project done. If that doesn’t sound like a lot, this is only the second or third time I have tried to write a novel. Wish me luck on this project, I’m going to need it.

If you are in an area of good weather today, enjoy it. Take care, stay safe, and happy reading.