Tag Archives: therapist

I think I have an eating disorder

Greetings, readers. Over the last several weeks I have found myself indulging in snacks and cereal. You may ask, what’s wrong with that? Well, a normal person might enjoy a bowl of cereal; perhaps two. Recently, I will grab a box of cereal, turn on YouTube, and eat the entire box one bowl at a time. I think to myself, “You really should stop this. You’ve had enough.” But I just keep eating. This is not good.

Sometimes when I binge watched my favorite videos, or favorite TV shows on Netflix, I can put away a bag of chips or popcorn with no problem. Like I said, now I’ve graduated to family size boxes of cereal. When I am finished, I feel like a pig, the blood drains down to help with digestion, and I want to fall asleep… for hours. Luckily, I have a therapist who can help me with this problem. I shall see her in two weeks.

Not only am I gaining weight, but I am spending way too much money. The stores in downtown State College are not your usual grocery stores, so prices are higher. I like to shop downtown because it is close to where I live. If I can walk to it, I’m a happy camper. There is a Target store close by, and I do shop there often. They have a nice selection of fruit, veggies, and healthy snacks. I must learn to make a list of the good things, not the junk, and purchase wisely.

My weight is up to 206 pounds; about 8 pounds more than I want it to be. Now that the warm weather has finally arrived, I’m going to walk around the neighborhood, take some good pictures with my new digital camera, and get some exercise. Maybe I won’t even need my walker anymore. Wouldn’t that be great?

I am going to conclude this blog for today. I just looked out my window and saw some dark, threatening clouds. We have had bad thunderstorms in our area the last few days. There is a storm predicted for this afternoon. If that happens, work will have to be over so that I can turn off both the computer and the router. Until Wednesday, I wish you a pleasant rest of your weekend, stay safe if you’re in a bad weather area, pray for all who need it, and as always, happy reading. 😊

 

Dreams of the last few nights

Greetings, readers. It is not uncommon for me to have vivid dreams that I remember almost in their entirety every now and then. However, it seems that the last several nights in a row my brain has been working overtime. I’ve been told that there are two schools of thought about dreams. One is that they are always symbolic to something in your life, and the other is that it is just your brain firing and that the dreams mean absolutely nothing. I believe choice number one. That it is a way for us to work out issues in our lives.

The dreams I’ve had over the years have been filled with people I know, in situations I know, and in some circumstances I’ve completely relived happy memories from childhood. On the other hand, some dreams are sketchy, with people I don’t know, and they are set in dark and sinister places. As you can imagine, those are not my favorite dreams.

I shall share with you now one example of each. My favorite dream starts out a little bit on the scary side as I’m walking on a misty night, and I come to a huge tower-shaped hotel. Once inside, I am walking around brightly lit corridors with pretty pictures on the wall, fancy doorknobs and a hallway leading to either an indoor swimming pool or to the stern of a luxury cruise ship. I immediately jump into the hot tub and relax. Is my mind telling me to jump in water? Or am I going back to an earlier time in my life where I had the opportunity to enjoy things like an indoor pool membership or something fancy like that? I’ve had this dream with both destinations several times in the last fifteen years.

The other kind of dream, the one that is much more frightening, is the one where I’m walking on a very narrow road that I seem to know, but when I wake up I know it is completely unfamiliar. Is this road near my camp in Maine, or somewhere closer to home? After some time of walking, I get to what appears to be Bear Spring Camps, where I vacation every summer. My family and friends are all there but the cabins and the layout are completely different. Some are much fancier than they are in real life. My cabin is dark and dreary with not much light, and a rickety old bed. It almost feels like a tool shed. How did I get this lucky, to get one of the worst cabins? During this dream, I feel very uncomfortable in this place. I try to leave but I am continually drawn to it. From the outside it is a very small cabin but it has many more rooms than it should have, each darker than the next. Have I ever awakened screaming from this dream? No. I don’t think I’ve ever finished searching the cabin. Perhaps one day. I’m almost certain that my therapist would interpret this to be a searching dream, that I am looking for something that I haven’t found yet. In the past twelve months, I’ve had this dream almost exactly the same way three or four times. I guess we can call that a recurring dream.

What do you believe? Do you believe dreams are nothing more than the brain firing at night, or do you think every dream is symbolic and means something for your life? Post a comment down below or on Facebook and let me know what you think.

Tomorrow is going to be a day off, both Rebecca and I have important errands outside the office. I will try very hard to put up a short blog entry sometime this weekend to make up for tomorrow.

So until soonest, take care, enjoy your day, and happy reading.

I think I’ve discovered why I’m so sleepy

Greetings, readers. Although it is true that I don’t usually get eight or nine hours of sleep a night, I still often feel like my medications are zapping me of energy from the late morning on. Even the nights when I do get a lot of sleep I am still needing a nap. Rebecca told me about a conversation she had with someone who is changing from the same anti-depression medication that I take because it caused them sleepiness. This is information I did not have before. On Friday I am going to talk to my therapist and see just how true that is.

At first I thought my lack of energy and appetite were the winter blues. But in the last several weeks we’ve had a few days of sun, with temperatures in the upper 30s F. I enjoyed them very much. I walked around, went to my favorite hang-out and saw my friends. Still I did not want to eat very much and my favorite word was nap. I concluded that it must be my four seizure medications. Now I am wondering if it is the anti-depressant, or even that medication in conjunction with the seizure meds.

Even at this very moment as I am dictating this blog entry I am doing so with eyes closed. I am coherent and am aware of exactly what I wish to say next. There are some mornings when Rebecca is not scheduled to work, that I will close down the computer, shut off the lights, and go back to sleep – sometimes for as long as four hours. That is one hell of a nap.

Another thing that has me a little worried is that my weight is 190 pounds. I was at 204 not too long ago. On the good side, my blood work is perfect. Pulse and blood pressure are outstanding. I just need to find what is draining my energy and appetite.

If indeed it is my anti-depressant, I think I can get by without it. I see my therapist every two weeks and have more coping tools in place to battle depression. One tool is watching stand-up comedy on Netflix. Gabriel Iglesias has a new special out and also Anjelah Johnson, whom I wrote to on Twitter complimenting her on her performances. To my surprise and amazement she wrote back and thanked me. I felt so special.

For my regular readers and family members please do not worry. I’m planning to take steps as soon as this Friday to rectify this situation. I hope that in a week or two I will be back to the energetic self that I enjoyed when I was younger.

Finally, on a side note, though I did not watch this game, congratulations go out to the Clemson University football team on winning the National Championship over Alabama. It was a close game and Clemson won with six seconds to play. I really feel for the fans of Alabama.

Until tomorrow, I bid you a great day, do take care, and happy reading.

I’ve been a dreamcatcher lately

Greetings, readers. Three out of the last four nights I have found myself experiencing very vivid, sometimes disturbing dreams. Is it unusual for me to dream? No, not at all. However, most of my dreams are short flashes of imagery or a short story. I usually don’t remember much of them. These last dreams have been detailed, long and disturbing. The first night the dream left off at a point and the next night it continued from that point. I think that is the first time that has ever happened to me. I don’t have nightmares, dreams with vampires, monsters, or murder, but these are as close as I wish to come to them.

I don’t want to go into specifics, but suffice it to say that the first two dreams dealt directly with tragedy and death. They freaked me out. Last night’s cinematic debacle dealt with an old love, jealousy and hurt feelings, with two natural disasters thrown in; a tornado followed by an earthquake. Why am I having these kinds of dreams, when I usually dream about such happy things, like family outings and Maine vacations?

My therapist will probably say that I’m working through some hidden feelings of dread or anger. As far as I know, I’m not angry at anybody, nor am I afraid of losing anyone. Therapy is tomorrow and I plan to bring my notepad with me with all the highlights … or lowlights … of the last few evenings.

If any reader wishes to share his or her dreams with us, please do so in the comment section or on my Facebook page. Well, there it is. Rebecca will here shortly and we’ll edit this entry and post it.

Until next week, take care, have a great weekend and happy reading. Oh … pleasant dreams!   😉

Stop the world, I want to get off, #2

Greetings, readers. I should be a happy man. I have a girlfriend who loves me, a roof over my head, adequate food, and good friends and family. So why do I feel so depressed? As I’ve said before, my therapist is going to have a lot to do tomorrow.

Without going into all the details, most of which are private, the weekend was not what I was expecting it to be. Situations arose which needed my attention and there was no getting around it. By the time Saturday night came along, I was so worn out that all I wanted to do on Sunday was sleep. And that is exactly what I did. Monday and yesterday, I desperately wanted to continue writing, but just couldn’t. And, of course, the more I couldn’t, the more depressed I started to feel. I have absolutely nothing on the agenda for early this evening, and I am going to write new pages come hell or high water. Tomorrow is chock-full-of-everything day, so the more I get written tonight the better off I’ll feel.

I began talking with Traci and other friends about the possibility of my medicine dosage being too strong to take in the morning. I’m fine for the first few hours, and then I’m just a zombie. Show me the way to the bed. I’m going to ask my neurologist what would be the best way to split my dosage to be in the morning and in the evening. Obviously there are two answers to that question. Just go ahead and do that, or just stagger the second dose little by little until I get it to the evening. My main concern is throwing my body off schedule by changing my dosage too quickly and having a seizure. That would not be good.

On the weather front, no pun intended, ha ha, this morning when I looked out the window, it was pouring down rain. So I feed Kitty cat, did my usual email/Facebook/ Twitter thing, and went back to sleep. Again, I had several hours to write and just didn’t. Is the end of my writing career near? I would not go so far as to say that. But I got a slap-in-the-face chuckle when I saw that my total royalties for 2015 from my Kindle version of my books was a whopping 70 cents. You don’t need to look at that twice, we’ll type it again for you. 70 cents. That certainly isn’t going to pay the rent, now is it?

Now something that will cheer me up a bit. My favorite sports season, baseball, begins with spring training in about a month. That means that warmer weather is about two months from now. Even though we haven’t had tons of snow, the gloomy cold weather always depresses me.

Finally, and this is a major step for me, if my depression does not get better by the end of this month, I am going to talk to my accountant about seeking a stronger method of dealing with it. I don’t exactly know what that might be, but I have a couple of things in mind. One being a short hospital stay for 2 or 3 days where I can get care and counseling as needed. Or perhaps something as simple as an increase of my anti-depression dose, or a different med all together. Something has got to give.

So please, throw good thoughts my way, and I’ll keep you up to date on what is going on around here.

Until Friday, enjoy your couple of days, take care and happy reading.