Tag Archives: reminiscing

You can’t go home again

Greetings, readers. I’m in one of my nostalgic moods today and I’ve been thinking of my parents and the house I grew up in. I still remember every inch of the old place. If I close my eyes, I can walk through every room, nook and pantry. I’ve been in the house since it was sold – I know the new owners – and they completely redid the inside. Why not, it’s their home now. It looked so different, though.

I am reminiscing about my childhood and all the wonderful times we had at home. Between holiday gatherings and the normal school year goings on, there always seemed to be something happening. One weekend it might be a game of Wiffle ball in the circle – what my neighborhood called the area outside my house, another weekend it might be watching a Pittsburgh Steelers playoff game with my friends.

I’ve often wanted to go back to those days, but it is impossible. Life marches forwards, not backwards. One of my issues is that I have always wanted to be different; either better than I was or, worse, somebody else. That stems from my poor self-esteem. What to do?

Other people have traits I wish were mine. Because I tend to forget things, I desire to be more like my mom. She was the most organized, clear-headed person I ever knew. Mom always had every base covered. Sometimes I wanted to have Pop’s work ethic. Heck, I would have twenty books written if I did. Then there is my best friend, Dave. He is the king of planning. I’ve always admired how he’d tell me every step of what needed done, and with such encouragement. You see where I’m going with this? I want to be everybody but… me!

I’ve learned recently from friends, family and inspirational quotes that all I need to do is be the best me I can be. I can do that. 🙂 Let’s all do that.

Until next week, have a great weekend, take care and happy reading.

I think I hit rock bottom last night

Greetings, readers. I’m not certain whether the remnants of my illness is toying with my emotions or what, but last evening as I was watching television, I broke down and cried several times. I wasn’t sobbing, mind you, so we’ll call them junior nervous break-downs. I’ve experienced this phenomenon before but not since I’ve been on my anti-depression medicine. This leads me to two questions. One, is the dosage as strong as it should be, and two, for some reason could it have completely stopped working?

Body chemistry is bizarre and I don’t begin to claim to understand it. Maybe after a major illness it takes a week or so for regular medications to work normally again. I certainly hope so. I have an appointment with my psychologist on Monday, and I’ll be bringing a list of things to talk about so as to not forget anything.

The bedroom cleaning began yesterday and will continue at 3:00 with a hard choice made. The lamp that was my mom’s which sat on the credenza is going to be put on the swap table in the community room. It’s mildly broken and I have another lamp on the credenza now. I don’t like throwing out possessions that my parents had, as most of you know, but I have no choice. It is now or never, Dave comes Thursday.

Since getting back from the hospital on Tuesday, I am horribly behind on correspondences on Facebook and Twitter. After the blog entry goes up today, Rebecca and I will check emails and social media, leaving time to do our files back-up work as we always do on Friday.

Next Wednesday, the blog will be about one of my all time favorite shows when I was a boy. The mid-1960s Batman series. I’m watching the DVDs now, and am thoroughly enjoying them. That’s going to be a fun blog entry for me, giving my recollections and opinions on three seasons of campy fun.

Until then, take care, keep warm and dry, and happy reading.

The importance of music in my life

Greetings, readers. Yesterday, on three hours sleep, I tried to get as much editing done on the project as I could. As it turned out, I had to turn it over to Rebecca and basically pass out. That actually worked well, she said, for Rebecca was quickly scanning through the draft from top to bottom to find numbers, such as times of day, in digits or spelled out, so we could make everything consistent in the book. All times in digits, numbers under a hundred spelled out. Mostly a one person job.

Now on to today’s topic. There is an on-line service which I subscribe to through my PS3, called Music Unlimited. Here, you can search for songs or artists, and boy, have I found some “blasts from my past.” Music has always been a humongous part of my life. As a child, with my parents, traveling in Europe, I remember my old black cassette recorder and playing a tape of German folk songs, one of which was called, “Mein Gott, Walther.” It was recorded live in what sounded like a coffee house or small bar. Just a handful of people. Though I know little German, to me it was still funny because everyone else was laughing hysterically.

Around the age of ten or so, which would make it 1975, I did like the Jackson 5. I owned at least six or seven of their albums. Now I was, and still am, the kind of person who will select an album or a tape and play it for a week or two and then switch. Jackson 5 songs such as “Goin’ Back to Indiana,” “Dancing Machine,” and “Skywriter” were big favorites of mine. I was ten, my voice hadn’t cracked yet, and I could hit the notes.

Also that year my friend and next door neighbor hooked me on a group called KISS. Alive! and Hotter Than Hell were two of my early favorite albums from the band.

Although most songs that I have equated to different times in my life have been pleasant, some songs such as “Forever,” and “Can’t Fight This Feeling” were girlfriend songs. Usually when one breaks up with a girlfriend or boyfriend, not only does the song lose its special meaning, but also may be emotionally difficult to listen to. As the years pass, however, wounds heal and there really are only a handful of songs which I cannot listen to. I would say perhaps five total.

Thanks to Music Unlimited, I have found such American classics as the Kiki Dee Band’s “I’ve Got the Music in Me,” “Yell Help” from Elton John, and some classical favorites such as Mozart’s “Symphony No. 29,” and “Symphony No. 33.”

Christmas music is especially important to me. When I would go to Christmas Eve service with Mom and Dad as a child, I would always delight in singing “Joy to the World,” “The First Noel,” “Hark! The Harold Angels Sing,” and “Silent Night.” When the Christmas service was almost over the very last hymn was “Silent Night, Holy Night.” One of my most cherished childhood memories was of the lights dimming in the church, everyone taking their candles and lighting them and singing that beautiful song. I was always afraid that I was going to drip wax on myself, scream, drop the candle, and set the church on fire. Luckily that never happened. When the song was over and the lights would come up again, it would be midnight and Christmas morning.

Yes, music has played a big part in my life. From associating Bach and Mozart to my father, early KISS to my early childhood, or music on the jukebox list on my favorite PlayStation game, I’m always eager to make a connection to tunes.