The search for my identity

Greetings, readers. As far back as I can remember, I would wonder what it would be like to be somebody else. Many possibilities crossed my mind. One day I wanted to be my father. Another time it would be my friend, Dave, who always had all the answers and was super athletic. Heck, I even wondered what it would be like to be a female version of myself. Perhaps this is normal. Perhaps it isn’t. I found that when I was with other people, I knew my role in the group and I knew better who I was. I think this stems from low self-esteem.

I’ve spoken to my psychologist. Apparently I must work on liking myself more. That’s the key, I guess. I think that’s also why I do not have a girlfriend currently. If you don’t like or love yourself, how can you expect others to like or love you?

I’ve made strides with a lot of my personal demons. My apartment is cleaner, trash goes out and dishes get done. The biggest successes I’ve had are a big improvement on my hoarding issue and being able to get onto a sleep schedule which is much healthier for me.

Now, an embarrassing tidbit. When I was nine or so, I carried a brown folder to school. It contained all my homework and such. A joke I made, which didn’t go down very well, was that I was Jim Rockford and my folder was the Rockford files. Luckily only a small group of people got wind of that one. I look back now and think oh my God, how dumb was that?

With help now, I shall continue working on my strengths and kick my weakness in the butt. Time will tell if I truly find myself and become comfortable with the man that I have become.

Until Friday, take care, enjoy your day and happy reading.


2 thoughts on “The search for my identity

  1. Actually, I find “Rockford files” hilarious. Is it possible you were just a little brighter and more clever than your classmates and they didn’t get the joke? Precocious kids often feel like outsiders and can take awhile to find their tribes. As Candice Bergen has said, “It takes a long time to become a person.”


    1. Hi, Joy. In school my self-esteem never allowed me to think I was smarter than the other kids. I didn’t feel like a dunce, but it didn’t take much for my inferiority complex to rear its head. Even today once in a while I struggle with this, though not nearly as much. Take care, and keep in touch. Thanks for the comment. -Joe-


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