Greetings, readers. As I sat in front of my TV set New Year’s Eve waiting for the ball to drop, I had some time to think about the last few years. With much knowledge acquired recently about my Cerebral Palsy and how it affects my emotional state, I’ve made observations about my health. When I was a little boy, I would cry at the drop of a hat. Leaving Bear Spring Camps in Maine was especially difficult for me. Yes, I loved the people and it was hard to say good-bye, but no one else was crying. I figured I must be different somehow. Jump ahead to a few years ago. When I heard I had a certain type of CP along with depression, many questions got answered. The reason I bawled at almost everything remotely sad was because of a weak emotional system caused by my condition. Now that I am on anti-depressants, things are much better. Or are they …?
I’ve begun to think. Sure, feeling happy is a good thing. But is it an artificial happy? Am I taking part of who I am away by dulling the emotions? So, I began to do a little experiment. I have temporarily ceased taking my nighttime doses. My emotions are still under control though every now and them I feel the way I used to feel when something touching is shown on the TV.
As Rebecca and I have been discussing points to add to this blog entry, it has made me realize that a note to the doctor’s office might be prudent. I suppose the question is this: should an artificial happy win out over who I was meant to be? With no ill effects from the anti-depressant, taking it certainly wouldn’t hurt me. And most times I’m a bubblier person. But is it real? I’ve never been great at philosophical debates, that was my dad’s thing. He was the professor of philosophy. I suppose all I can do is get advice from doctors and friends and weigh what they have to say against what I feel. Once I’ve done that, I’ll make my final decision.
Until Wednesday, friends, stay warm, take care and happy reading.